Change, Thoughts About

A Repost from May 10, 2007

It is something that fights us at every corner. People want change when it is good and if they are the reason for the change. But we hate change that works against us or is not of our choosing. People want change in status as long as it is upwards. People want a change in relationships, normally towards being with someone. Promotions are welcome change, and children could be a welcome or unwelcome change.
The reason for this writing is my recent experience with change. A good friend and I had built a relationship into something that I thought we were both comfortable with. Perhaps it was just I that was comfortable with it, but that makes no difference in the outcome of this tale. I
fell into a state of comfort and contentment and thought that our arrangement worked out well for all parties. Then after a trip out of the area, my friend returns. and decided that the relationship paradigm must change.
Now the reason for the change is positive for my friend. They want to get their priorities straightened out and set themselves up for success, a goal that I support completely. Ironic that the goal I respect and in some ways feel help set up and progress has now placed me in an
interesting position. With her progression she has moved herself in a positive direction, but has caused my world to turn slightly downward until I can adjust to this new item.
This brings me to my next thought. Fate is what others make it. Yes, we can all choose our own destiny in the fact that we all make our own decisions, but most of what you respond to is the decisions of others. When others try to do better by themselves it may mean that someone else must fail to achieve their goals, and in mast cases anothers failure is a requirement of success. If two people are going for the same job position, and only one can land said position. The more qualified person will generally take the slot. This will affect both, but only one in
the wanted outcome. By the more qualified applicant's decisions, he has affected the other applicant's fate/life/destiny.
Does this make either applicant responsible for what happen? Yes, in fact both are responsible. Through their decisions and opportunities they each created the outcome that occurred. Does this make them responsible to each other? I say no. Niether made the decision against the other, or for each other. The decision was independent based upon personal factors. This cretes detachment as so that responsibility is also released for the involved. It should be noted that I do draw a line at using dishonest or other immoral devices to influence outcomes, and in such cases then the immoral person is indebted to the moral one.
As for my specific situation, it pleases me to see her moving forward, as I want only the best for her. She deserves it though her convictions and her overall tenacity among other things. But it intrigues me that such a good decision for her would cause me grief and doubt. In the end it will all work out, as it always seems to do. It just takes time.